i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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