In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
