Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
