some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
