the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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