Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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