I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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