i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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