to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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