areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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