This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
