Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How naked do you want me to be?
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