Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
