my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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