Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
