Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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