i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
