I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
