plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
