You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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