Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
