He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
