I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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