Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
