I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize