I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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