you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
