awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
