Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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