Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
