and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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