I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
