after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
