ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
