Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
