Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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