I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
