You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
