She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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