Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
