I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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