I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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