I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
this hospital has no fireball
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
