He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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