i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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