I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
