Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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