Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
