Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
