come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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