I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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