i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
