Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
