seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
