Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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