A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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