I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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