you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
