i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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