My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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