The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
