okay pat passed out under dana's car
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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