I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
