Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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